Have you ever found it difficult to share an experience that truly happened to you with someone you know, because they won't or don't understand what you mean and might not even believe you?
If so, you may feel frustrated you were unable to share your tale with someone who might empathise with you if they were able.
What is exulansis? It's the feeling that you can't share a true story with someone you trust because you're sure they won't understand where you're coming from.
What is exulansis?
First coined by author John Koenig and taken from the Latin exulāns ( meaning “exiling; exile, wanderer”) + -sis (a suffix nouns that stands for condition) the term captures the feeling of hopeless melancholy that comes from realising that one must cease discussing an event or experience because others simply cannot empathise or relate to what you're telling them.
The author Neil Mach has many years experience as a front-line police officer and has encountered exulansis personally. He characterises it as a profoundly felt sense of hopeless dissatisfaction when he recognises that, despite his best efforts to explain or discuss a significant experience he's had, his audience is unable to fully relate to it or comprehend what he's trying to tell them. Ultimately, he has to stop discussing it or hold back from sharing significant details because it goes 'above the heads' of his audience.
He assumes that exulansis will have been experienced by other front-line police officers, front-line medical personnel, armed military personnel, and anyone who has regularly encountered the extremes of depravity, hopelessness, or human misery.
As emotional beings and deep thinkers, we naturally want to share our experiences with our peers. But exulansis demonstrates that we are unable to fully express our true hearts, even though we want to relieve ourselves of the emotional pressures and feel the need to alert others to the dangers we perceive. This implies that even if we are 'bursting' to tell someone everything, we need to 'hold things back' for the comfort of our audience.
Have you ever experienced this sort of feeling? Share your story in the comments below.
English author Neil Mach explores feelings of exulansis in his fifth book in the Moondog urban fantasy series, Moondog and the Tercet Plume.
Words: © Neil Mach Photo credit: © Etienne Girardet
